Friday, September 11, 2009

MS not right

Something is wrong with my body. It is mourning and grieving the loss of my best friend and healer. Last night I went out to distract myself from the rough days I've had. It was fashion night, lots of models and actors all over Broadway. Bond street, my favorite in the city, looked unrecognizable with all the "euro trash" (not what I think of them, but that's the term that's used) lining the streets. I walked by Liv Shrieber I think is his name. Dinorah and I got to a store and were looking around. My left hand, the pinky and ring finger began to cramp incredibly. It was so painful that I held my breath and tried my best to ignore the sharp pain shooting up my arm and really digging in to the fingers. I didn't tell my friend what was happening. It's a sign of weakness to me. I can handle physical pain.

This morning I have a bruise from the damage on my veins. One would think I banged it on something very hard. It was the vein, maybe vessel burst, I don't know. I was doing nothing out of the ordinary, just walking. You can see it in my crappy phone pic, the left pinky the top knuckle. It is darker. Bruised.

The one thing out of the ordinary is my mental state. I am devastated. Even my family does not know what to do. I just have to keep walking, fighting through cramping hands for now. It pales in comparison to my broken spirit.

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