Monday, April 26, 2010

Thoughts are faster than light

Last night, I cried hard. I sat on my bed and I tried to not let it erupt, and like the volcanoes of ages, I exploded my sorrow onto my cheeks and chin, my new blue sheets, my frown burrowing in itself. Dunkin' is alive in my mind, his face, his ki8ses, his care and presence. Even now, typing this, my eyes sting, they water, they release this longing.

Some people do not know longing. They cannot concieve what this is. I feel those humans are truly lucky. Perhaps they cannot love like most human do, but, they also will never know what this pain feels like.

Is it worth the cost?

The opportunity to have felt Dunkin's love is worth everything to me only because I know what it meant to me. If I had a choice to not understand love and hence never experience pain, I guess I would be super human, or a realized buddhist.

I think it's all a bunch of good philosphizing. My truth are my tears, my buzzing left body, my salty trails.

I have pushed on, and I have my art in Manhattan being exhibited as we speak. Yes, there is a pet in the painting. No, it is not Dunkin. Not this time. Out of 300 artists who were chose, only 7 were chosed to be exhibited in a NoHo Starbucks. Mine is one of the 7.

Starbucks on Boradway at Bond. Bond... my favorited street in Manhattan. Dunkin' and I used to walk it all the time, just to see the art store. He once shopped on his own there. Oh, my little angel, I would have brought you to the starbucks for a pic under my painting, Dunkin. I would have brought you to the reception as well. I would have... if you were here.

Monday, April 5, 2010


My grandmother recently passed. I'm okay with it. She lived a long life. Yes, it was sudden and she was very healthy and I am okay with it. I have cried some.

Dunkin', on the other hand... I cry still.

Death, when it comes by the hands of human being, so to speak... that death, I do not understand. That death is cruel and senseless. That is injustice. We are here to live a just life, a peaceful life on this planet, at much as we can anyway.

My peace was shaken and most would have been crushed. I am not most. Crushed? Pulverized, more the like. Luckily I am a creator. I make art from sand, from color, from thought. Dunkin'... you are my finest work yet and I honor your memory by being peaceful, aware, helpful and focused on myself, my career, and what I can offer the world that you taught me, my zen puppy.

My eyes tear always. It is my signature after your thought enters my mind. My longing for you shows in my tear and in my smile. I love you Dunkin' dog. We saw Frankie yesterday and she looks great. She has a new brother names Polo and you would have loved him. He looks like a large Lucas. The weather was sunning weather for you this easter weekend. I thought of you at the dog run, how you loved laying in the sun. Faye will be here in May and I am sure she will remember walking you all over the city and speaking to you in only Dutch. Leker Eten? lol... I love you, Dunkin'.