In the darkness of grieving a traumatic loss I am fortunate to have made several friends here and in other states/ countries. these friends are what help me dry my tears and keep my chin up. Sometimes all I need is a hug, just some body to hold me. It's a new thing, my hugging has changed somewhat. I really like to hug back even more than I used to. It's like I need it all over my skin and my center.
I miss the daddy of course... nightly, that has not changed. I also miss my sense of Independence with him. Dunkin' was bigger than I think he ever knew. My hands have not tingled this week, hurrah. I am rubbing them a lot, the muscles feel a bit tight. I do enjoy when someone rubs my hands and arms just right.
Dunkin' gave me my daily hug dose.. Without him, I am going through withdrawal and depression...with grace, I must add. The house of cards was destroyed and now I have to pick up the deck and make sense of it all again. Except key cards are always gone with Dunkin' actually really gone from my life. In the aftermath, what matters are hugs from good people, honesty with myself, and the gentle kindness that I am receiving from friends new and old and for that, I am grateful.