Friday, November 19, 2010

Miss you

I miss you Dunkin'. I miss the unconditional love. I miss the elation at watching you understand this world full and run mostly by humans. You were one of us. What gets me is that you should be here. They took you. They extinguished your life and I had to watch it all happen.

Grad school has a way of distracting me from the details for moments at a time. Regardless, I sit in my office and cry for you, and remembering the trauma and what they did to me, to my life, my future and the present.

I watched a great show Dogs Decoded on Nova

Key take aways:
* Owning a dog extends your life
* Dog owner's chemical reaction is the same as a breast feeding mother to her newborn
* Dogs also experience the chemical connection with the owner
* Dog owners are less likely to have a heart attack

I told them on that day, minutes after you were taken. I told them "you killed me, you don't know what you've done, you killed ME!"

I've been a zombie since.

...A zombie with dry salt paths on my clothes and cheeks. I do my best to honor you and I know you want me to not cry. I am doing my best. I graduate in weeks with a GPA better than undergrad. 3.4... this was our time to move back home and take care of ourselves, by myself, relaying solely on myself. And now? Now I have to figure out the new plan and there are several. They are not as bright as they would be were you still here, lil daddy Dunkin'.

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

How Dunkin' Died

Dunkin was chased to his death by the DPS. Department of Public SAFETY.

All they gave me was his BROKEN and TORN COLLAR. Just thinking about it... it just brings it all back. He was destroyed instantly.

The article I wrote on the left hand side tells all the grim details. SCROLL DOWN to see PHOTOS of my bruising and ... our last video on Earth.

The tears, after a year... they just flow. He was precious. I honor him daily living a life that informs all of JUSTICE and TRUTH.

Thank you all. Again, please join my "causes page" at

How YOU can make a difference

Thank you all for the support. I have been struggling... as you see from my posts. I mostly suffer in silence regarding my most traumatic loss. Even the loss of certain motor skills, and being diagnosed with MS pale in comparison to losing my 8 year old unconditional love which Dunkin' granted me.


Also, WATCH our last video together. LOOK at the photos I was CLEVER enough to take with time stamps on them, as I KNEW the department of public safety would bury the issue.

READ the left hand column which explains what happened.

I have since attained a lawyer and I forsee fees.

I am a graduate student at NYU and work full time trying to make ends meet while living in NYC.

All updates will be posted on Face Book and my personal notes are here.

IT is ON

Alex Jones will put Justice For Dunkin' links on his site, viewed by MILLIONS of humans world wide.

I am grateful I am closer to Justice and to sharing my experience with self healing when negative forces strip you of your humanity. Visit, Add, Forward to friends, for Dunkin', for your human rights and your beloved service animal rights.

LIVE on the air, GLOBALLY

I am ABOUT to go LIVE on Alex Jones' LIVE radio broadcast. LISTEN NOW. I will be speaking about my encounter with a POLICE STATE which violated my civil liberties on
July 4th 2009 in the state of Arizona. After Steve Watson is done, it will be my turn. Hope you can join me.

Monday, April 26, 2010

Thoughts are faster than light

Last night, I cried hard. I sat on my bed and I tried to not let it erupt, and like the volcanoes of ages, I exploded my sorrow onto my cheeks and chin, my new blue sheets, my frown burrowing in itself. Dunkin' is alive in my mind, his face, his ki8ses, his care and presence. Even now, typing this, my eyes sting, they water, they release this longing.

Some people do not know longing. They cannot concieve what this is. I feel those humans are truly lucky. Perhaps they cannot love like most human do, but, they also will never know what this pain feels like.

Is it worth the cost?

The opportunity to have felt Dunkin's love is worth everything to me only because I know what it meant to me. If I had a choice to not understand love and hence never experience pain, I guess I would be super human, or a realized buddhist.

I think it's all a bunch of good philosphizing. My truth are my tears, my buzzing left body, my salty trails.

I have pushed on, and I have my art in Manhattan being exhibited as we speak. Yes, there is a pet in the painting. No, it is not Dunkin. Not this time. Out of 300 artists who were chose, only 7 were chosed to be exhibited in a NoHo Starbucks. Mine is one of the 7.

Starbucks on Boradway at Bond. Bond... my favorited street in Manhattan. Dunkin' and I used to walk it all the time, just to see the art store. He once shopped on his own there. Oh, my little angel, I would have brought you to the starbucks for a pic under my painting, Dunkin. I would have brought you to the reception as well. I would have... if you were here.

Monday, April 5, 2010


My grandmother recently passed. I'm okay with it. She lived a long life. Yes, it was sudden and she was very healthy and I am okay with it. I have cried some.

Dunkin', on the other hand... I cry still.

Death, when it comes by the hands of human being, so to speak... that death, I do not understand. That death is cruel and senseless. That is injustice. We are here to live a just life, a peaceful life on this planet, at much as we can anyway.

My peace was shaken and most would have been crushed. I am not most. Crushed? Pulverized, more the like. Luckily I am a creator. I make art from sand, from color, from thought. Dunkin'... you are my finest work yet and I honor your memory by being peaceful, aware, helpful and focused on myself, my career, and what I can offer the world that you taught me, my zen puppy.

My eyes tear always. It is my signature after your thought enters my mind. My longing for you shows in my tear and in my smile. I love you Dunkin' dog. We saw Frankie yesterday and she looks great. She has a new brother names Polo and you would have loved him. He looks like a large Lucas. The weather was sunning weather for you this easter weekend. I thought of you at the dog run, how you loved laying in the sun. Faye will be here in May and I am sure she will remember walking you all over the city and speaking to you in only Dutch. Leker Eten? lol... I love you, Dunkin'.

Tuesday, March 2, 2010


My left arm and hand buzzes. The irght hand and fingers get cold and warm with no notice. I sometimes cannot even find the time to react to the changes in my skin temperature as it happens so quickly. Sometimes is stays for a few minutes, other times, seconds, and other times, hours. I have no fear of these symptoms, I just am mindful of them.

My skin hurts on my hands. A patch of skin on my right thigh was burning last night, and all evening. It's annoying wearing pants, or anything that touches that part of my leg but what can you do? I just ignore it as much as possible.

I still cry for Dunkin. I still can't believe this is my reality. I still cannot stop feeling scared and traumatized by those inhumane men that day. I find it hard to understand time still..or maybe, I finally understand it. It feels like 5 minutes ago that Dunkin was alive, it feels like I just had his large paws in my hands or on my shoulders. 5 minutes ago he was here, 5 minutes ago people could have used cognitive thinking skills, 5 minutes ago Dunkin could have been safely removed from a vehicle as he was a service animal. 5 minutes... so far away. Never to return.

Friday, January 8, 2010

2010 still gray

Nice peaceful new year for me. Spent quietly, been with myself for weeks, reflecting. I realize what I need and want, what I hope to accomplish on earth etc. I truly want people to respect animals from the early stages of their development. This is very important to me. This is more important to me ultimately than my own personal happiness in the traditional sense.

My left hand and arm are still buzzing constantly. When I dance especially. When I punch, When I move my head pretty I am typing, when I look at the keyboard... BUZZZZZZ all over my left arm and hand and my body as well.

I cried a few hours ago. Just had this thought about my boy. Dunk's face. His presence. It was real. I had it. He was my life. He was here. He brought me unconditional love. I lived off of his love for years, all of my family and friends know what he means to me. I realize, as months pass and my longing for him remains unfettered, that the pain of a great loss never goes just learn to live with it. Kind of like Multiple Sclerosis and this buzzing which is due to the emotional stress of having to watch soulless humans kill my service animal before my eyes while I am handcuffed in the middle of the damn desert in a heat box surrounded by GLASS no less with no air to breath. Yeah, it's something like that.