Monday, April 26, 2010

Thoughts are faster than light

Last night, I cried hard. I sat on my bed and I tried to not let it erupt, and like the volcanoes of ages, I exploded my sorrow onto my cheeks and chin, my new blue sheets, my frown burrowing in itself. Dunkin' is alive in my mind, his face, his ki8ses, his care and presence. Even now, typing this, my eyes sting, they water, they release this longing.

Some people do not know longing. They cannot concieve what this is. I feel those humans are truly lucky. Perhaps they cannot love like most human do, but, they also will never know what this pain feels like.

Is it worth the cost?

The opportunity to have felt Dunkin's love is worth everything to me only because I know what it meant to me. If I had a choice to not understand love and hence never experience pain, I guess I would be super human, or a realized buddhist.

I think it's all a bunch of good philosphizing. My truth are my tears, my buzzing left body, my salty trails.

I have pushed on, and I have my art in Manhattan being exhibited as we speak. Yes, there is a pet in the painting. No, it is not Dunkin. Not this time. Out of 300 artists who were chose, only 7 were chosed to be exhibited in a NoHo Starbucks. Mine is one of the 7.

Starbucks on Boradway at Bond. Bond... my favorited street in Manhattan. Dunkin' and I used to walk it all the time, just to see the art store. He once shopped on his own there. Oh, my little angel, I would have brought you to the starbucks for a pic under my painting, Dunkin. I would have brought you to the reception as well. I would have... if you were here.

3 comments:

  1. Rosamaria, if you read this ...I want to say that I am very distraght that your beautiful friend was taken so soon and under those circumstances.. I am not sure why you were stopped in the first place, by law they have to tell you that, I would have demanded to know what they were doing with you to begin with. now lets talk about your recourse I would ask you to contact the AZ DPS @ 2102 W Encanto Blvd
    Phoenix, AZ 85009, you would ask to where you can file a complaint, and get more information on this if you havent done so already you also need to write a letter telling your story to the Director of the DSP, his name is Robert Halliday, also I would contact an Arizona Attorney who handles Police Abuse/Corruption, I went ahead and did the research for you and found http://www.horanlawoffices.com/Personal-Injury/Civil-Rights-Police-Misconduct.shtml his name is Attorney Horan and you can call his Phoenix office @ 1-888.HORAN.44, you really need to find out if there is any recourse you will have, also contact the State of AZ Attorney General Office, and I have also got that info for you ... you can call or write their Tuscon Office @ 877.491.5740 or 400 West Congress, Suite S215
    Tucson, AZ 85701

    I hope this helps ... I want you to get justice for Dunkin, and I pray these thugs end up Criminally Charged for this. please please write me if you want, my name is Chris Rosania, I am animal rights advocate in the State of Connecticut my email is lawisfiction@aol.com

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  2. What could you say? All you have been through is disgusting and I feel deeply for you. I hope you will have success both in your artistic activities and in prosecution of these so called police.

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  3. Rosamaria, I wanted to tell you how sorry I am to hear about what happened to you - I have MS too, diagnosed in 2000, and I had a cat, who died just before Christmas last year. She died because I couldn't afford the vet bills to try to get her healed, to keep her alive. She had lived with me for five years. I suffered horribly, but no one was at fault for her death, really. I can't imagine what it must be like to lose a dear sweet friend like Dunkin, and know that someone else had caused that, and had committed brutality and negligence against you both which caused his death. I know that must hurt terribly!!!
    The one thing I wanted to tell you is that it's very important to let yourself grieve, even as you move forward in seeking justice - not just on your behalf but on behalf of any others in the future who hopefully, if you do bring justice against these "officers", will never have to undergo what you did. but your grieving process is important for healing for yourself. As my therapist told me, "You need to let your grief, with your tears, flow out, because it's grief that's bottled up that makes us get sick (or sicker). After seven months, I do still cry, but it helps me to do so. It has been proven, actually, that stress creates chemicals in our bodies that can damage us, damage our immune systems! It's been proven by chemical analysis that when we cry those destructive chemicals come out in our tears. So go ahead and cry,love: it may feel painful at the moment, but it's what your body - and your soul - need for healing. If you pray while you cry, you may find that may help you even more. Or cry with a friend or relative you trust, someone who can hold you and comfort you. People who tell you "Shhh, stop crying now", are well-meaning, but they're giving you bad advice, because crying is good for you! One other suggestion I have is one other my therapist had for me, which is to find a pet-loss support group, because then you can grieve with people who have gone through losing an animal friend as well.

    Blessings to you, dear heart, and I will pray for your heart to have healing as time goes on.

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